Reflections of week 2/22/16 – 2/28/16
• Beautiful hike, dog beaches
• Faced a fear: kayaked on the ocean!
• The struggle of truly being on vacation
• Habits are heard to form, so easy to break
• Post-vaca breakdown
So this past week wrapped up my last few days of vacation and coming back to reality. And it was rough.
There is a struggle that I believe is probably common. There is the urge to check email and yet a pull to technology detox. Sometimes going on vacation feels like a punishment. There is so much work to do to prepare to leave and the second you come back you have people who have been waiting on requests to be filled, meeting after meeting, and a quickly expanding to-do list. Checking email while on vacation is an attempt to ease this blow, and it might have slightly helped, but not much.
There were two days where I didn’t really do my MM. One day was travel, and the next was the first morning back to work and readjusting to East Coast time. I got back into it though, but the struggle it real. Today was day 175 and after all this time those 2 days were enough to make me want to give up on it! That’s crazy! I’m glad I’m not giving up, but that’s only because I know how hard things are to start up once you stop. If only I could apply this self motivation to working out!
So I’m going to be honest here – I had a rough post-vacation breakdown. I was welcomed home by sideways blowing snow and family drama. It was (is) cold. I was functioning on West Coast time and the adjustment was rough. California was new and exciting. The sound of waves, the colors of the sunsets, the fresh food, the beautiful views – it felt like a new start. At some point I lost track of the days. It was like being a child on summer vacation!
Since being back I’ve had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I’m tired all afternoon and am wide awake before bed. I’m back to being in this house alone. I was reminded of what my reality is like, how stuck I feel, and how I feel paralyzed to make change. Everything about being here feels bad. I am trying to be patient with myself as I go through this. I hope this feeling will pass. I have so many good things to celebrate for people in my life, yet I feel overwhelmed and drained. What message is the Universe sending me? What is it that I’m supposed to change? Is there further down to go before I bounce back?
Have you ever experienced this kind of post-vacation breakdown? How did you overcome?
“The way to gain power in a world that is moving too fast is to learn to slow down.” – Marianne Williamson, A Year of Miracles
• My moods can change in an instant. While bad, I’m holding out for the time that it’s good. If it can go one way, it can go the other, right?
• The line between self-care slowing down and depressed slowing down is hard to distinguish.
• I’m damn proud of myself for kayaking on the ocean. That shit was scary! Shout out to my bro for handling my stress and not tipping us over! However, my post stress breakout is in full effect. Ugh.
• I totally slacked on my blog, guys! I’m sorry! Trying to get back into it, but I’m so emotionally exhausted. Please bear with me!
• This one is for my nephew…Cake by the Ocean? (remix version: “Keep on hopin’ we’ll be KAYAKing on the ocean!”)
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