The Brave and Brokenhearted.
I haven’t done much talking about the brokenhearted part. The reason is simple, but not easy.
I have an internal debate going on. I would have to show up and be seen. Isn’t that what this is all about? But being seen can be terrifying. Part of me has questions-
Do people really want to read about the brokenhearted part?
Will the messy, ugly, uncomfortable parts push people away?
What if I come off whiney and like I’m having a pity party?
Can I handle being that vulnerable?
What if no one cares?
Enter the comparison gremlin. The successful bloggers and thought leaders I follow don’t really talk about the tough stuff. Sure, there are a million and one positive quotes about overcoming hard stuff, but they are very generalized, bite sized and sweet. They are meant to be empowering – and they are. But no one is getting into the nitty gritty details. You aren’t going THROUGH the tough stuff with them. You are only seeing the lesson that came out at the end of the struggle.
This makes sense. Because no one wants to dig deep into someone’s messy stuff. That’s supposed to be private. It’s the kind of stuff you work through with the people who have earned the right to hear your story. But what happens when you don’t have all these people in your life that have earned the right to hear your story? I guess you start a blog.
These people are clearly successful – whatever that means – and so I should probably model what I do after them.
Except here’s the thing: I don’t want to do what everyone else is doing.
The struggle is real. After all, you are supposed to learn the rules before you can break them. And who am I to think I know better than these people? I don’t. And is the wide open internet really a place to spill your deepest, darkest secrets? Of course not.
But my goal is to be my raw, real, authentic self.
I’m not here to sell anyone anything. I don’t have a product or service for you to buy. (Not yet anyway!) I’m not even here to give you advice. I’m here to share my thoughts, my life, to work through my struggles, and hopefully find a community of like minded people who say “me too.”
So I am going to work on it. I’m going to do my best to balance the brave with the brokenhearted. I’m going to attempt to find the line between sharing my struggles without over sharing, to write the words someone needs to hear. I want to be what I find is missing – sharing the real details that help apply a story to real life instead of over generalized ‘mindfulness’ lessons. I’m going to go against everything I “should” do. I don’t want to floodlight, exacerbate shame, or post something that will embarrass me if the wrong people see it. (I’m still professional after all…) But I will be the only kind of real I know how to be: me.
Are some people going to be turned off by it? Probably.
Will some people decide I’m not their cup of tea? Sure.
Will there be naysayers who think I’m doing it all wrong? Maybe.
But will some people resonate, feel understood, connected and contribute? I hope so!
Because let’s be honest – it isn’t all sunshine and roses. We are human beings living a human experience. We learn by falling. And getting back up. And trying again. It’s a practice. Practice not perfection. I’m sure I’ll mess up, have to delete some things, and learn a lot of lessons. There will be darkness, but there will be light. There will be fear, but there will be hope. There will be tears, but there will be joy.
The only way out is through.
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